How to respond when someone asks "how are you?"

What this actually looks like

Someone asks "How are you?" and your brain stalls because you are not sure whether they want the truth or the script. If you answer honestly, it can feel like too much. If you answer briefly, it can feel fake. A tiny question becomes a high-pressure decision every time, especially in work settings where the expected response is never explained directly.

Why this keeps happening

"How are you?" is usually a social ritual, not a full check-in. That mismatch between literal wording and social intent is one of the classic unwritten rules. If you already find ritual conversation draining, it overlaps with small talk exhaustion. You are not confused because you are bad at people. You are trying to answer a vague prompt with precision.

A practical approach

Use a context decision tree. Acquaintance or coworker: short neutral response plus return question, like "Doing alright, thanks. How are you?" Friend you trust: one honest sentence plus boundary, like "Rough week, but getting through it." If you are not okay and do not want to share, use "Bit tired today, but I'm managing." This gives authenticity without overexposure.

What to stop doing

Stop treating every "How are you?" as a test of sincerity. Stop forcing full emotional honesty with people who have not asked for depth. And stop judging yourself for using social shorthand. A brief response is often just conversational glue, not dishonesty.

How Spring Social helps you practise this

Spring Social offers scenarios where the same question appears in different contexts, so you can practise choosing a response that matches the relationship and setting. You see how tone and length change the interaction, then build your own response set. That makes this daily question feel less loaded.

Related situations to practice

• Small talk for autistic and ADHD adults
• Unwritten social rules explained
• Work kitchen small talk