Why do video calls exhaust me more than meeting in person?

They remove the cues that make conversation flow — turn-taking breaks with lag, eye contact becomes a camera paradox — and add constant self-monitoring from seeing your own face. That runs a draining background process all call.

What's the single best thing I can change?

Hide your own self-view. Most platforms let you keep your camera on for others while removing your thumbnail, which switches off the self-monitoring loop that does much of the draining — and you still look normal.

Video call anxiety — why Zoom is harder than the room

Q: Is it okay to keep my camera off?

Often, yes. Many calls don't need it, especially large listen-mostly ones. Decide camera-on deliberately for small meetings where presence matters; a quick 'cameras optional?' makes it land cleanly.

Updated 2026-06-18 · video call and Zoom anxiety

The call connects and there you are, a live thumbnail of your own face, while a grid of others watches a version of you that lags half a second behind itself. You're talking, but also monitoring your expression and whether to look at the camera or the eyes that aren't quite where the camera is. By the end you're wrung out and can't say why.

Why a screen is more tiring than a room

Video calls remove the cues that make conversation flow and add ones that make it stranger. Turn-taking breaks down with lag, so you talk over people or sit in micro-silences working out whose go it is. Eye contact becomes a paradox — to seem to meet someone's eyes you look at a camera, not at them — held frontally with several faces at once.

Then there's the mirror nobody asked for. Seeing your own face live all call turns you into your own audience and feeds constant self-monitoring. For ADHD and autistic adults this stacks: decoding flattened faces, self-surveillance, and ‘am I on mute / is my face right’ run a background process that burns through your battery.

Try it: the call where your face is wearing you out

Practise this moment

You're twenty minutes into a video meeting and you've spent most of it watching your own thumbnail and bracing. What's the move?

The slow drain Forcing yourself to watch your own lagging face all call keeps the self-monitoring loop running — the thing doing most of the draining. White-knuckling through it just guarantees the wrung-out feeling.
Switch off the mirror Hiding your self-view switches off the self-monitoring loop while you still look normal to everyone — the single highest-leverage change, and most people never try it.
Fine to do, better to frame Apologising for nerves or fidgeting points a spotlight at something no one clocked. Looking near the camera and using chat to claim a turn does more, quietly.

In Spring Social you can practise the small video mechanics — claiming a turn, the ready first line — that make calls less draining. It's one of 1,000 scenarios.

Turning off the hardest part: your own face

The single most effective change most people never try is hiding their own self-view. Almost every platform lets you keep your camera on for others while removing your thumbnail from your own screen, which switches off the self-monitoring loop that does much of the draining. You still appear normal; you just stop watching yourself perform.

Decide the camera question deliberately rather than defaulting to dread. Many calls don't need your camera, and it's usually fine to ask ‘cameras optional?’ or keep it off for large listen-mostly meetings and on for small ones. Matching camera-on to when it earns its cost removes a surprising amount of load.

Small mechanics that lower the dread

A few moves take the edge off the live awkwardness. Looking near the camera reads as perfectly engaged. Using the hand-raise or chat to claim a turn solves the talking-over problem lag creates. A half-second ‘may I jump in?’ gives a clean cue and spares you two people unmuting at once.

Preparation helps more on video, because there's nowhere to hide a fidget and a stumble feels exposed. A first line ready, water in reach, and notes just off-camera let you carry a thread without holding it all in working memory. That's not cheating — it's removing avoidable difficulty.

Protecting your energy around the calls

Because video drains faster, the spacing between calls matters as much as the calls. Back-to-back meetings give your system no chance to reset, and the fatigue compounds into a flatness that isn't about any one meeting. Even a few minutes away from the screen between calls does real recovery work.

It's also fair to push gently on the format. Some things that became video calls are better as a phone call, a walk-and-talk, or an email, and proposing the lighter format is legitimate, not a failure to cope. Use video where it helps and decline it where it only costs.

Common questions

Why are video calls so tiring?

They strip flow cues — lag breaks turn-taking, eye contact becomes a camera paradox — and add self-monitoring from seeing your face. That drains all call.

Single best change?

Hide your own self-view. You keep your camera on for others but stop watching yourself, which switches off the loop doing most of the draining.

Is camera-off okay?

Often, yes — especially large listen-mostly calls. Decide camera-on deliberately for small meetings; ‘cameras optional?’ makes it land cleanly.

Spring Social includes 1,000 situations like this one, with clear response options and supportive feedback you can practise in private.

Practise the call - iOS