Small talk with extended family — surviving ‘so what are you up to these days?’
An aunt you last spoke to a year ago corners you by the dessert table with the question you knew was coming — ‘so what are you up to these days?’ — and your mind goes completely blank, as if your entire life just got deleted. You've done plenty this year. None of it will load. And she's waiting, smiling, while you stand there feeling like a malfunctioning kiosk.
Why the same five questions feel so impossible
Extended-family small talk has a particular flavour of hard: the questions are broad, the relationship thin, and there's an unspoken expectation you'll perform a tidy summary of your year on demand. For a brain that prefers depth, ‘what are you up to?’ is almost impossible to answer well, because it asks you to compress everything while someone watches.
The blank you feel isn't a sign you're bad at this; it's the predictable result of an open-ended prompt with no context to grab onto. Once you know the questions are coming, the freeze becomes solvable — you're allowed to have a generic answer ready.
Try it: cornered by the dessert table
Practise this moment
An aunt asks, ‘So what are you up to these days?’ and your mind goes blank. The pause is stretching. What do you say?
In Spring Social you can practise the loaded answer, the return question, and the graceful exit, so ‘what are you up to?’ stops being an ambush. It's one of 1,000 scenarios.
Having a few answers loaded before you arrive
The single most useful preparation is two or three small, true things you're willing to say out loud — a project, a show, a trip. They don't need to be impressive, just exist, so when your mind blanks you read off the shelf instead of generating under pressure. A prepared line isn't fake.
Keep each one short and end it with a return question. ‘Work's been busy, mostly a new project — how about you?’ does the whole job: you answered, sounded warm, and handed the talking back.
Steering toward the bit you can enjoy
You're not stuck with the topic you're handed. Small talk is a doorway, not the whole house, and you can walk it toward something you find interesting. The questions about your job are openers, and openers can be redirected toward shared ground without anyone noticing.
Specifics rescue thin conversation. Rather than fielding ‘how's life?’ in the abstract, offer one concrete detail and watch the talk get easier.
Giving yourself an honourable exit
You don't have to hold the conversation up forever. Extended-family small talk works in short bursts, and stepping away after a few minutes is completely normal. ‘I'm going to grab a drink, lovely to catch up’ closes the exchange warmly and frees you both.
If you click with a relative, of course stay. But the baseline goal is modest: a friendly minute or two, a question returned, a graceful exit. Do that a handful of times and you've ‘done’ the event.
Common questions
How do I answer 'what are you up to?'
Have two or three small true things ready — a project, a show, a trip — to read off the shelf when your mind blanks. End with ‘how about you?’ to hand it back.
Is preparing answers fake?
No more than bringing a dish. The questions are predictable, so generic answers ready in advance are sensible. They're still true — just retrieved rather than improvised.
How long must I keep talking?
Not long. These work in short bursts, and stepping away after a few minutes is normal. ‘Lovely to catch up, I'm going to grab a drink’ closes it warmly.
Spring Social includes 1,000 situations like this one, with clear response options and supportive feedback you can practise in private.