How to Make Small Talk Without Feeling Fake

Guide updated: December 2025

Step 1: Reframe what small talk is for

Small talk often feels pointless when you expect it to be deep and meaningful. In most cultures it’s mainly used to:

• Show basic politeness and friendliness.
• See if the other person is open to talking.
• Find a tiny point of connection you might build on later.

If you were kind, respectful and present, you did enough.

Step 2: Use simple, honest openers

You don’t need clever lines. You need simple, honest ones you can remember when your brain is buzzing.

Examples:

• “Hey, how’s your day going so far?”
• “What brings you here today?” (event, meetup, class)
• “Have you been to one of these before?”
• “I don’t know many people here yet – how about you?”

Step 3: Ask better follow-up questions

Small talk feels less fake when you ask questions you’re genuinely curious about:

• “What’s been the most interesting part of your week?”
• “How did you get into that?”
• “What do you like about it?”
• “What are you looking forward to this month?”

Step 4: Share a small piece of yourself

Hiding everything about yourself can make small talk feel like acting. You don’t have to overshare – just add a small, true detail:

• “I’m more of a homebody, but I’m trying to get out a bit more.”
• “I get nervous at events like this, so I always head to the snacks first.”
• “I work from home, so I grab any excuse to talk to humans in 3D.”

Step 5: Practise small talk in a safe space

If small talk feels like a high-stakes test, it helps to rehearse before you’re on the spot.

This guide is for general information only and is not a substitute for professional mental health or medical advice.