How to Talk to People When You Have Social Anxiety
Guide updated: December 2025
If your anxiety is intense, long-lasting or affecting your safety, please reach out to a qualified mental health professional or local support service.
Social anxiety can make everyday conversations feel like a threat. Your heart races, your mind goes blank and you want to escape. You’re not weak or broken for feeling this way – your brain is trying (a bit too hard) to keep you safe.
Step 1: Shrink the goal
Instead of “I need to be confident and charming”, try goals like:
- “Stay in this conversation for 30 more seconds.”
- “Ask one follow-up question before I leave.”
- “Say hello to two people today.”
Smaller goals = less pressure = more wins for your brain to notice.
Step 2: Prepare a few go-to phrases
When anxiety spikes, it’s hard to think of words. Having phrases ready can help.
For starting conversations
- “Hey, mind if I join you?”
- “Hi, I don’t think we’ve met yet – I’m [your name].”
For buying time
- “Good question – let me think for a second.”
- “I’m not sure yet, I’m still figuring it out.”
For leaving politely
- “It was really nice talking – I’m going to grab some water, but I hope you enjoy the rest of the event.”
Step 3: Use gradual exposure
Going from “avoid everyone” to “host a big event” is usually too big a jump. Gradual exposure is kinder and often more effective.
- Start with brief interactions where you can leave easily (cashiers, neighbours, classmates, colleagues in the hallway).
- Move up to slightly longer chats with people you already know a bit.
- Only later, if it makes sense, add bigger events or groups.
Step 4: Practise in a safe, private space
Practising conversations before they happen can make them feel less unpredictable and more manageable. That’s where tools like SpringSocial come in.
SpringSocial lets you rehearse realistic social situations – including ones that often trigger social anxiety, like introductions, work chats and tricky conversations.
- You read the situation and pick what you’d say.
- You see how the interaction might play out.
- You get simple feedback on why some options might feel safer or clearer for both people.
To try it: search “SpringSocial” on the App Store or visit SpringSocial.app.
Step 5: Pair tools with real support where needed
Apps and self-help resources can support you, but they don’t replace professional care. If social anxiety is making work, study or relationships very hard, consider:
- Talking with a GP, psychologist, counsellor or other qualified professional.
- Looking for support groups (online or in person) where people share similar experiences.
- Using resources from trusted mental health organisations in your country.
This guide is for general information and education only and is not a substitute for professional mental health or medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.